me

sometimes, we can never really know another person. sometimes, we do not even know ourselves. sometimes, through some event, u realise a new perspective to your character.

what do i do with the stress. what do i do with the people. what do i do with the politics. what do i do with my friends.

what do i do with the conflicts. what do i do with the happiness. what do i do to nurse the hurt. what do i do to grow tougher.

as we all grow up, we grow to be protective. to show a side of yourself being independent, being strong and being able to take a stand. but, what if, doing it for the sake of doing it, you hurt someone that might be genuinely concern. what if insecurity shows, what if guilt shows, what if unhappiness show. do you really care for them or are you only obsessed in your world.

i, for who i am, totally suck at patching things up. i, was born, being weak at the heart and soul and just wanted to make people happy. i, as i am, tries to avoid conflict.

when i say that i am happy, i am happy. i cant fake excitement too often as it tires me out. if i cant say something nice, i'll just keep mum. tested and proven, i am learning to outgrow the one who is there just to please. at the same time, i wish for someone who really is concern to be frank, honest with me and being totally sweet about it.

i told a friend that he is not someone to keep in touch with people for it is against his nature. but as of the past week, i realised that im talking about no one but myself. this selfish being within that puts up a front at times.

of course, in my world, some people do matter more than the others. im surprise at how well im dealing with or dealt with making new friends, sticking with different friends, like some sort of social butterfly, but never really making a close one.

i thank the permenants in my life, for giving me the courage to venture and knowing that when im tired/sad, you guys will always be there and stand by me.

i must say that at times, i am really disappointed. that the close do not understand. that they suspect. that they dare not believe. that they do not rely. that they make me tired... that they make me guilty for not being not being who they want me to be or be what they think i am.

i am glad that i have friends who were with me for but a brief few months, who found me dependable, who found me stronger than i look, who found that i have an extremely good temper (they are trying to make me explode), who are completely frank with my flaws and in return, allow me to be absolutely frank as well.

i may seem to be very neutral, but if i am, thats what i feel. if i laugh, im trying to be friendly. if i shout at you, it may be an endearment (i do not shout at just anyone).

for all the fakeness in the world, i declare that they do not suit me. just try not to read too much into my actions and my words. they may not mean the way they sound IF you think you know me.

being thankful that i have friends.